I Think I Love You
by anythingkj
Summary: Nezumi doesn't really know what it is to love. NezuShi. Warnings for a tiny bit of angst if you squint and overwhelming amounts of fluff. For me, anyway.
1. Chapter 1

Hey, guys! I haven't posted for a while, so this is something insanely short (and unbetaed) that popped into my mind just yesterday. Or it might have been the day before. Anyway, it's already posted on my archiveofourown account (under the same name) but I wanted to post it here too. Review pretty please? It's appreciated. Your reviews make me smile :)

-Sami

* * *

Nezumi doesn't really know what it is to love.

_I love you_

_I love you_

_I love you_

The words repeat in his head again as his chest rises and falls, the only sounds piercing the silence his and Shion's heavy breathing that echoes and seems to be louder than the explosions of the West Block during the Hunt, or the gunshot that changed Shion- from an innocent brat to a murderer.

It's so loud it makes his head hurt. And the words won't stop repeating, over and over and over, and the problem is, the worst part, is that he knows that Shion meant it. He knows that behind the fury and passion, Shion had just wanted him to say it back.

He couldn't say it back. He's almost sure he loves Shion, almost sure, but sure enough to admit it? Sure enough to admit it out loud, to Shion and to himself?

So maybe Nezumi doesn't want to know what it is to love.

He knows what it feels like to care too much, to hurt for that person, to smile when they smile, and to cry when they cry, but then it's not really love when you cry as they smile or you smile as they cry, that's not love, it's just… dysfunction.

Right?

To feel a throbbing in your chest and a weird tingling when they hold you, to feel a sort of pain when they tell you _I missed you where the hell did you go, I missed you why do you do this to me,_ to feel that regret… that's codependency, not love because if that's love, dammit, maybe he loves Shion.

Maybe he loves Shion.

Maybe he loves the feeling of his soft white hair under his fingertips or the way his eyes light up when Nezumi acts.

Maybe he loves the urgency of Shion's kisses, or the way Shion makes him feel horribly, horribly safe.

Maybe, just maybe, Nezumi means it when he says _I'm here now, stop crying, I'll be here, I promise, _and maybe, just maybe, he might truly need to…

He sits up quickly, and does what he needs to do before he can stop himself. He shakes the man beside him, hard, until he opens his red, slightly puffy eyes slowly. He stares up at Nezumi groggily.

"Shion," Nezumi says, his voice earnest. This wakes Shion up a bit, and he stares at his lover with a question in his eyes. "I think…" Shion sits up as well, and Nezumi puts his hands on his shoulders, kissing the other man deeply until he feels the need to come up for air. "I think I love you too."

Then he lays back down and faces away from Shion and closes his eyes.

Nezumi just might know what it is to love, now.

At least Shion thinks so, as he lay awake with his left index finger tracing the outline of his upturned lips where Nezumi had kissed him.


	2. Companion Piece

Hey- So thanks so much to people who followed, favorited, or reviewed; I really appreciate it. This is the fight that they had before the first part. I apologie for ridiculous run-on sentences and I'm not sure if it flows. I wrote the beginning at a different time than the rest, planning it completely differently, but then I had an idea and just started writing right in the middle of the fight. I tried to make it make sense and I hope it does. Sorry, this is really long.

-Sami

He'd only been back for two weeks, and he'd already noticed something was strange. One might say this was normal for an intelligent creature such as Nezumi; he was quick, and cunning, and always aware of his surroundings. He was good at reading emotions too, simply because he needed to be to play them.

But what might be discounted is the fact that sometimes, a_ scared_ creature such as Nezumi would choose to ignore the things around him, to... Survive. At least that's what he'd tell himself.

And he was very good at ignoring Shion's (not to mention his own) emotions and gestures at this point. But this could not be ignored.

He knew he wouldn't reunite with the same Shion he had left four years before. He knew this, but he wasn't prepared for it in the slightest.

Shion's hair was cut shorter, and that was the first thing Nezumi noticed. He didn't like it. Though he would never admit it, he used to love the way it felt when he carded his fingers through Shion's hair. The next thing that Nezumi noticed were Shion's eyes. Yes, they were happy to see him, but they were also guarded. Guarded and… angry?

Shion was never angry. Nezumi was angry enough for the both of them.

And fine, Nezumi felt stupid for thinking that everything might be the same, that Shion might still be the bright-eyed and hopelessly naive boy he'd left behind.

Shion was a man.

Nezumi hated it.

So they sat at the table silently, eating the delicious chicken Shion had cooked (Nezumi was still getting used to the home-cooked food that came as a result of one of Shion's habits that he had picked up when he was alone in the apartment) when Shion suddenly looked up.

"Where did you go?" He asked, and while Shion had changed, he _was_ still Shion, so the question was simply curious, not accusing or angry. Nezumi shrugged and continued eating his food. Shion stood, and his voice had an edge to it when he repeated,

"Where did you go?" Nezumi still didn't answer. Shion persisted, repeating again the same question. Nezumi finally shrugged, and Shion pulled the plate off the table and dumped the food in the garbage. That made the hair on Nezumi's arms stand up straight. Shion, of all people, knew how precious food was, and what it was like to not have any. You didn't just throw perfectly good food away.

"I travelled." Nezumi said simply, annoyed at having his food taken away. Shion stared at him before stalking out of the room without another word. Nezumi didn't know why, but he followed, his legs moving quickly, faster than his head could tell them stop.

"Shion." He put a hand on the white-haired boy's shoulder, and when he turned around Nezumi's eyes widened. Shion's eyes were angry, and for reasons Nezumi couldn't understand, his eyes burned.

"Nezumi. Talk to me." Shion's voice was quiet and understanding, but demanding. He was tried of the game. "I understand how you feel." And Nezumi turned on him, rage burning in his tear-filled eyes. He shoved Shion up to the wall and held him there by the neck. His hand was shaking terribly, however, and if Shion had really wanted to, a simple push could free him. But he didn't move.

Nezumi refused to meet his uninterrupted gaze. "You don't know..." He started, but cut himself off. "You don't know what it's like to hate yourself for feeling something..." His grip around Shion's neck tightened then, and his hand stilled. Shion took a gasping breath. "You _don't_ know what it's like to hate yourself for feeling something for someone else. You _don't _understand. So _don't_ bullshit me."

The white-haired boy fell to the floor, gasping for breath and rubbing his now bruising neck.

"What do you feel?" He asked quietly. His voice held no malice; not even a trace of anger at being grabbed by the neck and choked by the man who supposedly cared about him. Shion knew Nezumi cared about him, he did. Of course Nezumi cared; why else would he have come back?

Shion swallowed the anger that came with truly being unsure of this.

When the other boy looked at him, his grey eyes reminded Shion of a storm. Shion nearly smiled. Storms always reminded him of...

Suddenly Shion didn't care to hear the answer, because he didn't want to fight anymore. He needed to be sure that Nezumi cared, and fighting was not going to help. So he stood, albeit a bit shakily, and walked over and kissed Nezumi fiercely, trying to convey everything he felt. And Nezumi didn't want to speak anymore, didn't want to yell, didn't want to _think, _so he kissed back, pushing the other boy across the room and down onto the couch.

They had done this before, the day Nezumi had gotten back. Shion was unsure of what he was doing, and therefore Nezumi had been doing most of the work, but he didn't really mind. And that night he had taken the last thing he possibly could from the other boy; he had taken his place in No. 6's society as an elite, his simple life in Lost Town, his nativity and unbending trust and faith in others... he had taken his innocence, his first kiss...

So then, he took the boy's- well, man's- virginity.

Now, Shion was a bit more confident, and he was the one slowly, carefully lifting Nezumi's shirt over his head, followed by his own. He was just about to ask if they should move to the bed when Nezumi pulled back, staring at Shion with worry in his eyes. And Shion couldn't break his eyes away; that was a look that only he got to see... Rikiga and Inukashi and anyone else could tell him that Nezumi was a ruthless, cruel bastard and Nezumi could act that way all he wanted, but when it mattered the dark-haired boy would look at him with _concern _for Shion, and only for Shion...

"Are you crying?" Nezumi frowned, and when Shion brought a hand up to his cheeks they did indeed feel wet. He expected Nezumi to poke fun at him for it- who was he, a twenty-two year old breaking down crying- but when Shion couldn't take it and he wrapped his arms around Nezumi's neck and pulled himself up to bring his head to the other man's bare chest sobbing an endless string of,

"I missed you where did you go I missed you why do you do this to me..." Nezumi only flipped them over so that Shion could rest on him and clutch on to him comfortably and murmered,

"I'm here now, stop crying, I'll be here, I promise." Shion's arms wrapped tighter around his neck and Nezumi only just realized the position they were in. Though his heart beat faster, mostly from fear, he hesitantly brought his arms around to hold Shion as well. They enveloped around the man's body and laid there gently. When Shion's breathing started to even out, Nezumi relaxed a little, thinking that he might be given some space as Shion slept. But of course with Shion, nothing ever seemed to go how Nezumi thought it would. Shion looked up at him with drooping, weary eyes, but when he spoke, his voice was strong and held the tiniest bit of animosity.

"I love you." Then, repeated as he sat up, louder and near furious, tired eyes widening, almost daring Nezumi to say, _'no, you don't'_: "I love you." The silent question was louder than even the words outspoken:

_Do you love me back? Is that why you hate yourself, Nezumi? Because you're in love with me?_

Nezumi ignored the one stray tear that slid down his own face and onto his lips, forcing him to taste the salty water. He watched Shion walk to bed, and he followed minutes later.


End file.
